Monday, April 2, 2012

In My Mind


In the mind of the normal:
A razor is meant to shave with.
A bottle of pills is meant to be stored up high.
A bridge is meant to be walked across.
A bathtub full of water is meant to be jumped into.
A full plate is meant to be eaten.
A passing train in meant to be waved at.
A rope is meant to hold a piƱata.

In the mind of the empty:
A razor is meant to numb the pain.
A bottle of pills is meant to be swallowed.
A bridge is meant to be jumped off of.
A bathtub full of water is meant to hold a breathless body.
A full plate is meant to be thrown away.
A passing train in meant to be walked in front of.
A rope is meant to become a noose.

In the mind of the artist:
A razor is meant to intrigue.
A bottle of pills is meant to numb the mind.
A bridge is meant to be over water.
A bathtub full of water is meant to be still.
A full plate is meant to be overwhelming.
A passing train in meant to be lit up.
A rope is meant to hold up my hope.

5 comments:

  1. SO true. My absolute favorite is the last sentence. Great!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another strong piece. My only tip is to drop the "numb the mind" in the third stanza. By repeating the line it looks to the reader like you're drawing some type of parallel between stanzas that you're not maintaining throughout the rest of it. If you change it to "meant to open the subconscience" or something like that (which is how most artists view drug use actually), you would have three stanzas that are unique entities and each accomplish their own tasks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I actually meant to make a subtle connections to myself. As I relate/consider myself to fall withing those two "people." It's suppose to be subtle though as to not distract from the overall meaning of this piece, yet I wanted to still tie my own person feeling about myself into it. So I simply connected "the artist" and "the empty" as a means of putting and emphasis on the "importance" almost of those two. Hence the title as well.

      Delete
  3. Fair enough, then I would make the tie stronger. Maybe mix and match some of the imagery like you did with the numbing of the pain and mind. Since you use jump off of in the second stanza, maybe "A bathtub full of water is meant to be jumped into" for the third stanza. It would help carry on the parallel a lot stronger, because with just that one line it's just something you only touch upon.

    ReplyDelete