Oh dear

Oh dear, wipe those tears. You may think you’re broken, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be fixed. You will make it through this.                            

The words I never said

The words I never said

I regret them in my head

They haunt me as I lay in bed

Those words I never said

To you

What do you dream about at night?

What do you dream about at night when you’re all alone in your bed?

All alone at night.

Do you dream about dreaming,

Only reaching for success within the depths of your sheltered hallucinations?

The hallucinations never end.

Do you dream about death,

Only to be disillusioned when you awaken every morning?

Sleep serves merely as your temporary demise.

Do you dream about love lost,

Only to become disheartened when you can’t even find it in that black hole you call your mind.

Love will never find you.

Or do you just never dream at all?

Because that would simply be the worst of all.

What do you dream about at night?

That Feeling...

That feeling of wanting despite not needing;

That feeling of endless, agonizing pain despite efforts to heal;

That feeling of pure emptiness despite being physically whole;

That feeling of loneliness despite being surrounded by others;

That feeling  of shame despite no one knowing what you’ve done to yourself;

That feeling of hopelessness despite knowing it will get better;

That feeling of weakness despite the eternal  determination;

That feeling of uncertainty despite knowing exactly what’s wrong;

That feeling that's illogically logical. 

Bleeding

Tears rain down, staining my shirt a crimson red.

Like a waterfall of agony, it drowns me.

I lay silently, suffering in my bed.

The tears won’t clot, I’m lost in my ruby sea.

Each burgundy tear slides down my pale frame,

Causing my skins subtle twitching.

Hope

I grasp it tight, never letting go

The rain may loosen my grip, but the sun will come soon enough

Here, hold on with me

Fake It

Smile

smile and laugh

smile

Laugh

 smile

smile and laugh

Repeat

It Gets Brighter

Reaching out, arm extended
I open the up curtain.
The light temporarily blinds me as I turn away.

But I look back and see all that lay outside in the sun.

Unwanted Hope

Through the darkness I search for a flicker.

In the distance, I see a faint sliver of light.

I turn around.

Trapped In My Addiction

Hope has found me but I won’t let it in.

I’ve shut my windows and locked my doors.

I’ve trapped myself in my own mind, no escape.

And now I’m running out of air.

I hold my breath,

I like the darkness.

Empty

Dead inside, I try to breathe.

How can I go on living like this?

Nothing’s making sense,

there’s something wrong with me.

What Cure's The Pain

I conform to my norm,

With my diet of sadness and pain,

My blood and my blade.

I’ve become addicted to this,

My never ending cycle

of tears and shame.

They gave me pills for a cure;

I am incurable.

But within this misery,

I found a sliver of reality.

I want to end this agony.

I silently cry for a savior,

Yet I linger alone in my melancholy  torture.

Engulfed I thus become,

In this virulent game.

My new best friend,

Now my miniature scythe.

Where is the reaper now?

I’m done with these drugs.

Addicted To The Sadness

Addicted to the sadness,

I am chasing the darkness

As the silence screams.

In search of precious pain,

My beaten heart thirsts to gain

failure.

Lost in my own misery,

I have forgotten how senseless death, 

How precious life.

You fail to see my passion snapping,

As I smile at your command.

Dead inside already,

I am empty and unsteady.

You see what I show,

But no one shall really know

What thoughts I conceive,

Nor what feelings I possess.

For if you really knew,

You’d be in tears.